Never Forget

We're coming up on 25 years since September 11th, and I've been thinking about it a little differently lately; as someone who was concurrently serving in the military and fire service on that fateful morning. I find myself coming back to what that day actually felt like. If you're old enough to remember it, think about where you were. I bet you know. I bet you can picture it. You probably remember who you were with, who told you, where the television was when you started watching what was happening. It's strange, because I couldn't tell you what I was doing on September 10th, and I couldn't tell you what I was doing on September 13th. But I remember September 11th. I'm guessing a lot of you do too. One of the things I've thought about a lot is how normal that morning started for almost everybody involved. People dropping kids off at school. Somebody rushing out the door, running late for work. Somebody getting coffee, sitting in traffic, annoyed with their spouse over something that probably seemed important at the time. There were people walking into the World Trade Center that morning who had plans that night. There were people getting on those airplanes who had people waiting for them wherever they were going. There were firefighters coming on shift who probably sat down, had coffee, and talked a little trash to each other, because that's what firefighters do. Nobody woke up that morning knowing what was about to happen. That's part of what makes September 11th so hard to sit with even 25 years later. They were ordinary people having an ordinary morning. Until they weren't. I don't need to describe the footage. We've all seen it enough. But after 24 years in the fire service, there are certain things I notice when I watch it. I watch those firefighters going into those buildings, and I think about how it's easy to look back now and call them heroes. They absolutely were. But they didn't know they'd end up in documentaries and museums. They were working. There was a call. People needed help and they went. That's what they were supposed to do. None of us can pretend to understand what those men and women were experiencing that morning. But I understand the mentality of being a firefighter. You spend your career responding to somebody else's bad day, and sometimes it's the worst day that person has ever had. Your job is to show up and to do the best you can to help their situation. Police officers did it. Paramedics did it. Port Authority officers did it. And then there were just regular people helping each other. That's something I don't want us to lose when we remember what happened. Because we talk a lot about the attack, as we should, but I also remember what happened to us afterward. For those who were around then, think about the weeks after September 11th. People were different. I don't want to rewrite history and pretend everybody suddenly loved everybody else. There was real fear and anger, and some innocent people were treated terribly because of it. But I also remember this feeling that we were in it together. Flags everywhere, people donating blood, checking on each other. A tremendous appreciation for first responders and for our military. People who had very little in common standing next to each other saying, basically, 'we're going to get through this'. We've said "Never Forget" for 25 years, and I don't think we have. You can see it every September. We remember the victims, the first responders, the towers, the Pentagon, Flight 93. But I wonder if we've forgotten a little bit about how we treated each other afterward. I'm not saying that to be dramatic. Just look around. We're divided on damn near everything right now. Politics, culture, religion, social issues, pick something. I'm not interested in telling you which side is right here. What bothers me is how easy it's become to look at somebody who thinks differently and decide we already know everything about them. We don't. Most people make a lot more sense once you understand where they came from. That doesn't mean you'll agree with them. There are plenty of people I know well who I disagree with, and that's fine. But somewhere along the way, we started treating disagreement as a reason not to know each other. I think that's a problem, especially when we've seen ourselves capable of something different. There's another part of September 11th that gets overlooked as we get further from it. For a lot of Americans, life eventually went back to something resembling normal. But for hundreds of thousands of people, the effects of that day went on for years. Decades. Think about how many young men and women watched September 11th happen and decided they wanted to serve their country. Think about the people already serving who suddenly realized everything had changed. Then think about the next twenty-plus years. Deployment after deployment. Afghanistan. Iraq. People leaving their families over and over again. We tend to focus so much on the person wearing the uniform that we forget there's usually a whole group of people serving with them in a different way. A spouse at home, kids growing up, parents worrying. Birthdays and holidays that somebody misses. Some come home and transition well, some don't. Some come home with injuries everybody can see, others with things a lot harder to see. And some never came home at all. Those people are part of September 11th too. Their families are part of it. Twenty-five years later, I don't want us to lose sight of that. Sometimes we think we've done our part if we walk up to a veteran and say thank you for your service. Keep doing that, I appreciate it when somebody says it to me. But take it a step further. Get to know them. Ask what they did. Ask them how they're doing now. Hire them. Introduce them to somebody. Invite them into your community. Sometimes just listen. You don't have to fix anything. The same goes for first responders. After 24 years in the fire service, I can tell you firefighters are really good at telling you everything's fine. It's almost part of the culture. A lot of the time, maybe it is. But there's value in checking on people anyway, and honestly, that shouldn't be limited to veterans or firefighters or police officers. Check on your friends. Check on the guy you haven't heard from in six months. Check on the person at work who's suddenly acting different. Go introduce yourself to the neighbor you've waved at fifty times but never actually talked to. None of that is huge. But I think that's how we get some of this back. Not through some giant national initiative or by waiting on politicians to figure it out. Just by being better at taking care of the people around us. When I hear "Never Forget," I think about remembering what happened that day. We owe that to the people who died, to the firefighters and police officers and paramedics who went to work that morning and didn't come home, to the people on those airplanes and at the Pentagon, and to their families. But I also think we owe something to everyone who answered the call afterward. The soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen who spent the next two decades serving this country, and the families who went through it with them. I want to remember all of that. But I also want to remember what happened here at home. There was a stretch of time when we understood that we needed each other, and I don't want it to take something horrific for us to understand that again. I don't think we need everybody to agree. I just think we could do a better job remembering that the person we disagree with is still a person. They've got a family, a story, people who helped them and people who hurt them. They're trying to figure life out just like the rest of us. That's a big part of why I called my book (Not) Self Made in the first place. None of us gets through this alone. I certainly didn't. There are people who stepped into my life when they didn't have to and changed where it went, and that's something I try hard not to forget. Maybe that's why this part of September 11th sticks with me so much. We saw, in the worst possible circumstances, just how much people were willing to do for each other. I hope we never see circumstances like that again. But I hope we don't lose that part of us either. So this September 11th, remember. Talk about the people we lost. Tell your kids what happened if they weren't alive yet. Thank the people who served afterward. Check on the veterans in your life. Check on your first responders. And look around your own community and ask yourself if there's somebody you could be doing a little more for. You don't have to change the country. Just take care of your part of it. Twenty-five years later, I think that's a pretty good way to honor the promise we made. Never forget what happened. And maybe just as importantly, don't forget each other.